Do you ever look at your child’s bad behavior and wonder, “Why do they do that?”
Whether it’s behavioral issues or your child’s choice of friends or activities, it’s so troubling to watch them choose things that make them unhappy.
But they won’t listen to you when you try to talk them. What can you do?
Every time your child acts out or behaves in a way that troubles you, there’s a message there that can guide you. Your child just doesn’t have the know-how to say it in words.
With some intuition and a little bit of thought, you can get to the root of your child’s bad behavior—and support them in resolving it.
Hidden message #1: “You don’t know who I am.”
The #1 way you can support your children is by learning their Energy Types. Learning your child’s Energy Type helps you see your child’s priorities, strengths, and challenges in a clearer light.
- The Fun-loving Type 1 Child: Bright and bouncy, these children can express troubling behavior when they feel stifled, isolated, or shamed for being too much energy.
- The Sensitive Type 2 Child: Tender and quieter, these children can express troubling behavior when they’re resisting feeling unheard and invisible.
- The Determined Type 3 Child: Active and persistent, these children tend to act out when they’re reacting against feeling stopped, overly confined, or shamed for their big energy.
- The More Serious Type 4 Child: Analytical and focused, these children can express troubling behavior when they don’t feel respected to be their own authority.
To be honest, nothing will help you more than discovering your child’s true nature!
If you haven’t read The Child Whisperer, get a copy. And if you’ve read it (but you’re still seeing behavioral issues in your child), read it again with the intention to understand your child’s current behavior.
Hidden message 2: “I don’t know how to say what’s wrong or what I need.”
Children don’t always have the life experience or vocabulary to explain when things don’t feel right. So if they feel shut down at school, rejected by peers, or pressured by you, they may just act it out.
Rather than judging your child’s behavior, observe with them and ask questions.
For example, to a child who has chosen some troubling friends, you could say:
“This is my perception and maybe it’s incorrect, but what I notice is this person has these tendencies and these values and I’m concerned. My concern as your parent is that you’re going to be influenced in a way that isn’t healthy for you. How do you feel about that? What do you think about that?”
The best thing you can do once you’ve observed and asked is to be quiet and LISTEN. Your child may tell you exactly what you need to do next.
Hidden message 3: “I feel judged or shamed.”
If children feel judged or shamed for who they are at their core, they may express themselves in an extreme manner that can look like misbehavior.
What they’re really doing is trying to relieve pain and get their needs met.
If your child has made decisions you don’t agree with, get really clear on how much you love your child regardless of the behavior. Don’t estrange yourself by becoming too preachy or judgmental. Build trust. Continue to love them. They will turn back to you—but if they’ve felt your judgment, it will take longer.
Hidden message 4: “I feel like I don’t have a say.”
If your child is resisting rules, they may not actually have a problem with the rules. They may be resisting the feeling of not having a say in their life as they get older.
As your children age, involve them more in the conversation about rules. When they need boundaries, don’t just ban certain activities, events, or friends. Taking away choices doesn’t offer growth, learning, healing, or understanding—only control and resistance.
Instead, create trust by allowing your child a say in what happens to them.
Hidden message 5: “I’m reflecting something back to you.”
Before you can expect your child to make some change, you need to consider your part.
Ask yourself: How am I contributing to this situation? What energetic patterns am I adding to this experience? Is my child reflecting some story from my own childhood that I never accounted for or healed? It can still be energetically running in your child’s subconscious and the pattern is playing out again.
Taking care of your own healing also helps you more easily allow your children to be who they are without pre-conditions or interference from you.
Trust your intuition, observe, and listen—and you’ll start to notice the hidden messages in your child’s bad behavior.
Children want their lives to be as happy and easy as their parents do. When they are given support to live in alignment with their true nature, their best self tends to comes forward.
More than anything, your child wants to be loved by you and understood for who they are.
Keep maintaining a heartfelt connection, even when your child is living beneath their potential. It matters and it will make a difference.