To the Parents of the Louder Girl

She's determined to succeed—here's how you can help her.

She’s confident she can accomplish whatever she sets her mind to, but do you ever wish she wasn’t so loud while doing it?

You know these determined character traits will help her when she’s older. But right now, it almost feels like you’re the one getting pushed around by her demands.

First, it’s important to recognize that every child moves through the world in a unique way.

Some children are animated and social. Others are reserved and mindful. In my book, The Child Whisperer, I call the four main ways that children move through life the 4 Types of children.

The Determined Type 3 girl can be seen as loud and pushy.

The way she talks and plays has a “push forward” movement that helps her stay busy and persistent. She has a physical connection with the world, so she loves hands-on activities where she can figure things out as she goes. But her confident ability to take the lead and dive into things can be misjudged by others.

Instead of calling her “pushy” or “intense,” you can help your daughter take charge of her nature and manage it well. Use these insights to understand her better!

1. Don’t shush her anymore.

She is not trying to be loud. In fact, she doesn’t even think she is loud! She just speaks and moves at a volume that feels natural to her. Shushing sends a shaming message that she is “too much” and that she needs to modify herself to please others.

It’s an old, cultural belief that all girls must be quiet, soft, and not take up too much space. Your Type 3 daughter will naturally be the opposite!

TIP: If her natural volume is not suited for a particular situation, teach her how to choose different volumes in an honoring way. For example: “Sweetheart, it’s appropriate to talk with this volume in this situation.” On occasion, join her in her enthusiasm and match her passion, so she feels honored for meeting life with her big energy.

2. Support her in the challenges she wants to pursue.

Your Type 3 daughter wants to go after things and explore new experiences. She doesn’t always think things through first, but she is really good at thinking fast on her feet. She loves a challenge but can become insecure when she is questioned by others.

As a Type 3 woman myself, I know about this firsthand. Growing up, I shared my ideas passionately and was told to calm down and be careful. This caused me to feel conflicted. As I became a teenager, I was unsure of how to be myself and ended up just trying to be someone who would simply be accepted.

TIP: Let her find her way of moving forward, even though she may not always have a plan. She will surprise you at how well things can turn out. At times they won’t, but that is how she learns. Her determined nature can handle it! 

3. Recognize and honor her tender side.

All little girls want to be treated with tenderness at times, even the louder girl. She has a tendency to be pretty rough on herself, and tenderness is a trait that will help balance her energy and teaches her how to be tender with herself.

A tender touch, a note expressing some tender thoughts, and speaking to her with a tender voice all support her in honoring her feminine nature and emotional self.

TIP: Don’t call her a “tomboy.” She is a girl with a strong, physical, and determined energy. Being called anything that has the word “boy” in it negates her true feminine nature.

4. Get behind her big ideas.

Along with her bigger voice and louder walk, she will have ideas that may seem too loud or big for her to accomplish. But her ideas don’t seem big to her. In fact, they just seem right, and she wants to take on the challenge! You never know, her big idea could turn into a passion that could lead to career pursuits that are a perfect fit for her Type 3 nature.

Of course, you may have plenty of reasons to want to tell her, “No, you can’t do that.” But at some point, she may stop coming to you to share her ideas, as she does not want to be stopped by your no, and she will just find a way to pursue them on her own.

TIP: Support her in going after her goals! Instead of saying “no” to something, jump in and help her with what she’s pursuing. She’ll be more open to feedback when she’s in motion than when you’ve stopped her completely.

5. Give her plenty of physical outlets.

She has a physical connection to the world and naturally wants hands-on experiences. With so much big energy naturally available, she needs a healthy outlet.

If she’s feeling stifled or has been told “no” too many times, that energy could build up and start to manifest into behavior problems or physical ailments. Your Type 3 daughter won’t sit still or get quieter just because you tell her to—she needs to move first and expend all that energy!

TIP: Give her plenty of physical experiences to support her determined energy.  She’ll do great with physical challenges that engage her natural ability to accomplish something with confidence. Watch her energy balance the more she gets physical outlets to enjoy!

I’ve often said that if I wrote The Child Whisperer for no other reason than to help the Type 3 little girls of the world know and love themselves, I have done a good thing.

Are you parenting a Type 3 daughter? If so, go back and review the Type 3 section in The Child Whisperer book from time to time.

A refresher will be supportive to you! If you don’t know which Type of child you’re parenting, pick up a copy of The Child Whisperer. You’ll learn how to read your child more clearly and create more cooperation and happiness in your home.

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