To the Parent of the Dreamer Girl

What to do when your daughter’s head is in the clouds

Do you know a girl with impossibly big dreams?

She has a big imagination and lots of ideas. You love that about her. But sometimes you worry that her dreams seem impossible or she doesn’t finish things. I have some tips that can help you both.

First, it’s important to recognize that every child moves through the world in a unique way.

Some children are analytical and reserved. Others are animated and social. In my book, The Child Whisperer, I call the four main ways that children move through life the 4 Types of children.

The Fun-loving Type 1 girl can be seen as a distracted dreamer.

This child naturally has a random, animated nature. She can connect quickly to ideas, situations, and projects—and then disconnect just as easily. Because of this, parents or teachers may get frustrated that she always seems to get distracted or doesn’t follow through.

Instead of telling your girl to get her head out of the clouds, help her to fly. These insights will help you know the support she needs to make her dreams a gift.

1. She’ll have more ideas than she can ever follow through on.

She can’t help it. Ideas pop into a Type 1 child’s brain like bubbles. If you feel like you’re constantly having to say “no” or point out why ideas won’t work, this can feel overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to.

As your daughter grows, she doesn’t need someone shutting down her ideas one after another. She needs a parent who can appreciate her idea as just that—an idea. If she experiences too much negativity from you about her ideas, she may stop sharing them with you.

TIP: When she shares a new idea, celebrate it first. Once you’ve done that, you can talk through whether or not her idea is possible to act on. Sometimes, acknowledging the idea is all she needs from you. These words can serve you well: “Wow, what a fun idea!”

2. Your daughter LOVES new possibilities.

Type 1 children will always feel drawn to the shiny and new. Because of her light, animated nature, she expresses a natural optimism.

She may want to be involved in everything. If she seems to be pursuing every class, party, club, or activity, she’s not trying to spread herself too thin. She just loves new opportunities and truly believes they are all possible.

TIP: Support her in choosing a few activities to be involved in so she doesn’t overextend herself. She may not know how to focus her many interests. It’s okay for her to hop from possibility to possibility. But before she commits to a class, team, or activity, ask her questions to help her select where she really wants to spend her time and effort.

3. Her social nature is a gift.

Your Type 1 daughter connects to the world socially above all else. She has a natural gift to make and keep friends. She is energized by being around others and she tends to bring out the playful side in them.

She has such an adaptable nature that she can adapt to her friends—sometimes so much that she loses herself. It’s supportive for her to bring friends into her home, where she has a strong sense of identity.

TIP: Allow your daughter to have friends over to your house. She is so spontaneous that she will often want a friend to come over this minute. If you are accustomed to planning ahead, allow a little more time in your schedule for some spontaneous play time.

4. Animated self-expression in clothes

Because of her bubbly nature, she’ll likely be drawn to clothes and hairstyles that are fun and bright. She might experiment a lot with her look, or wear more patterns and brighter colors than you feel comfortable with.

TIP: If you and your daughter ever have conflict about her clothing choices (and this can happen even when she’s young), step back. Ask yourself, “Does this really matter?” Give her space to experiment with her own style, without your judgment. Because of her high energy, she looks amazing in more color and pattern than you think. Her animated outfit will communicate that a fun-loving child is coming their way. 

5. She needs randomness and spontaneity.

Variety is a huge priority for your Type 1 child. If her life feels too structured, rigid, or predictable, she may withdraw or act out in unhealthy ways.

She is capable of creating her own randomness. You don’t have to do it for her—just get out of her way. She can bring fun to any situation if given the space to do so.

TIP: Give her space to play freely without worrying that she will get in trouble for getting things out of order. Let her express herself randomly without trying to pin her down. If she knows she’s safe to express her bubbly self with you, she’ll add fun to your family every day.

Are you parenting a Type 1 daughter? If so, go back and review the Type 1 section in The Child Whisperer book from time to time.

A refresher will be supportive to you! If you don’t know which Type of child you’re parenting, pick up a copy of The Child Whisperer. You’ll learn how to read your child more clearly and create more cooperation and happiness in your home.

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