The Introvert Mom’s Guide to Raising an Extrovert

6 useful tips for the introvert parent raising an extrovert child

Do you ever feel drained by your child’s high energy? Or are you trying to give your child enough outlets but are not sure how? If you’re a more introverted parent raising an extrovert child, you can relate to this.

How you feel: “Mommy needs some quiet time.”

How your child responds: “Well, I need some loud time.”

That’s how it feels sometimes—a constant push and pull between your child’s need for noise and new people, versus your need to quietly recharge.

You love people, and you love your child. But if your day is full of both, you may end up feeling so drained that you want to climb into a sound-proof, people-proof hole and close your eyes.

But your energies don’t need to play tug-of-war anymore.

Here are some ways you can make your introvert-extrovert, parent-child dynamic feel more balanced:

Tip #1. Create easier days by understanding your energy.

The terms introvert and extrovert can be misleading. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re anti-social. And being an extrovert doesn’t mean always being “on.” Both are just a different way of moving through life. You and your child will be more balanced when you honor your natural approaches.

The Child Whisperer will be an invaluable tool as you learn more about this.

Tip #2. Prevent meltdowns by honoring needs upfront.

Kids want their lives to be as happy as their parents do. They don’t throw fits for no reason (though it may seem they do). A meltdown is usually connected to more than the matter at hand, but kids may not yet have the skills to say so.

If your children get cranky, whiny, or defiant, look back at the whole day. You can usually see where they didn’t get enough social outlets to energize them.

The Child Whisperer can help you read the message behind the tantrum (and how to prevent it in the first place).

Tip #3. Resolve guilt and anger by meeting your own needs

Do you get upset with your child when you wish you wouldn’t? Ever feel resentful if you don’t get a quiet minute? It can happen when your needs aren’t met.

When you get anxious, grumpy, or impatient with your child’s high energy, that’s usually a sign that you haven’t taken care of yourself. Even one quiet minute alone during a busy day can help you regroup.

Instead of guilting yourself for getting upset, identify your need and meet it.

Tip #4. Create daily joy by planning for “yes.”

You like a good plan. But your child wants something else. Right. Now.

And though you can teach them to identify what’s reasonable, the answer doesn’t need to be “no” or “wait” as often as you think.

Practice saying “yes” a little more often when your child wants to get messy or have friends over. Schedule “spontaneous” time—windows of time in which you plan to not have a plan so you can say “yes” more easily. Those times may bring you joy in unexpected ways.

When we engage our children positively as they are, they experience themselves as acceptable and worthwhile.

Tip #5. Give both of you breathers by making spaces.

Your extroverted child needs space—space to be social or space to explore.

And you need space—space to unwind or to re-center yourself.

Not only that, your quieter energy can feel like a drag to a high-energy child. Understand that as an introvert, you need to give your extroverted child some space! That space can give us both the breathers you need.

A little bit of space can look a million different ways. Get creative!

Tip #6. Experience the best by assuming the best

Extroverted children and introverted parents move through the world differently. But at heart, you both want the same thing—harmony, joy, and love.

Assume that’s where your child is coming from. In other words, when they express their big energy, know that they’re not trying to put you out or get under your skin. They’re just expressing who they are in the way they know how.

What are some ways you can implement these ideas in your life? Share in the comments!

If you’re an extrovert mom raising an introverted child, check this out!

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