Every Type 2 mom could use some emotional support.
If you’re a Type 2 mom, you naturally express a gentle sensitivity and attention to detail. You offer so many gifts to your family. But if your tendencies get out of balance, parenting can become frazzling for you—and frustrating for your children.
In this episode, Carol and Anne shine a light on 3 subtle corrections that can make parenting a calmer, more comfortable experience for you.
This week’s Parenting Practice
Choose one of the three tendencies that Carol and Anne share in this episode. Which one stands out to you? Make a plan to move forward, using your tendency as a gift, rather than a challenge. Consciously use your nature as an asset in your parenting, rather than creating frustration.
Transcript of podcast episode
Anne: When my Type 3 was, like, 3-years-old, I just remember at bedtime, I just felt like I was putting on, like, football pads and a helmet and being like, “Hey, we’re going at it.” Because I got to be like, “Wooh.”
Carol: Welcome to The Child Whisperer podcast. I’m your host, Carol Tuttle, author of the best-selling book, The Child Whisperer. I’m with my co-host, Anne Tuttle Brown.
Type 2 mothers are amazing. They have a beautiful gift of being sensitive, gentle, and just so patient with their children. Of course, you have your moments like any other, that you just bring to your experience a natural gift of helping create a calm and a stability based on your natural movement. And of course, that’s happening if you’re living it. And so, these three areas are all opportunities where you can check yourself and see if you’re out of balance, you’re not living true to yourself and you can make some corrections, because there’s side effects to each of these three things you might be doing that will not play out favorably in behalf of your children, and of course, that’s what you want. Our intention in sharing these with you is to help you bring to light, bring to awareness what you may be falling prey to without your knowledge, so you can make the correction. We can only make change when we have awareness and awareness is a beautiful gift, so that other choices can be made. Anne, this is your space. You’re a Type 2 mom. Do you relate to these three that we’ve chosen today?
Anne: I do. Definitely.
Carol: Oh good. I’m going to let you start.
Anne: All right.
Carol: Because this is your show, Anne. I’m going support you today because truly, I can be…as an observer, I truly understand this, but you’re living it, and I know our audience would love to hear your perspective on each of these. So I’ll support you taking the lead here.
Anne: Okay. So just as a review, Type 2 movement is a soft, subtle, fluid, flowing energy, it’s very consistent, it’s methodical, and gift for details. So with that, we like to have, you know, our plan, a big picture moving forward, connecting the future, present, and past of lifelong river flow.
Carol: Right. Yeah. Think of it as seeing all these steps laid out like, this step leads to this step, leads to this step, leads…So it’s knowing these details of…Gathering those details are each of the steps, so you know where you’re going.
Anne: The tendency is sometimes as a Type 2 mom, you have trouble adapting to change, and this can be hard especially for your Type 1 or Type 3 children. And so, you need to ask yourself, “What plans do I need to change and which can I stay on course with?” And this can be just as you see your life ebb and flow, you can get a better feel of, “Which areas am I okay to let go of and which do we need to stick with?”
Carol: Where have you seen that in your life?
Anne: Oh, I see it more in a day-to-day basis of, like, my Type 3 daughter wanting to jump into something and I’m in the, like, kitchen mode, dinner mode and I’m already doing something. And I’m, like, “I just can’t.” It’s not in me to disconnect like that and engage and insert somewhere else. So I’ve learned the phrases to use with her, you know, I have to stop and, like, give her my intention because if I’m just like, “Okay. Whatever, we’ll do it later, we’ll do it later,” like, she’s just going to keep moving ahead because I’m not being direct with her. So if I turn and I say, “I see you’re wanting to do this. You’re charging ahead. Well, you need to stop because I had…” I just explain my process to her and I just tell her when I will come to it.
And then, there are other moments where I’m doing something, maybe it’s laundry or other house things, or I’m on my computer and my kids are asking for my attention, asking me to be with them. At that moment, I need to disconnect and be like, “I’m done with that.” Even though there were a couple more things I wanted to keep moving forward, I didn’t close the chapter on that project yet, but that can wait, stopping, disconnecting, and then engaging in that way. So it’s just that balance of knowing, like, where are my priorities and moving forward.
Carol: And knowing that you have a challenge just in the moment, “Let’s up and do this.” You’ve got a…like, your two examples are really great because you are communicating to your child in the moment that that’s just not a favorable decision for the whole family. You’re informing her, staying true to your plan, and then seeing other times where it’d be best to alter the plan. So you’re working consciously with this tendency rather than it causing you stress or just being so firm, you never will change plans. Like, it’s always the way it’s gonna be.
Anne: And the gift for details and planning is great. Like, when my husband and I go out of town, I have a very detailed schedule for our babysitters and I’ve covered it all. And I’m thinking about it weeks advance. I’m thinking already, it’s January and I’m thinking about preschool in the fall for my 2-year-old, you know. It’s just how my brain works is like, looking forward and thinking, and adding those steps, and moving like that.
Carol: So don’t let that get in your way though because you can overdo that too.
Anne: Yeah. Especially for little ones. I mean, they’re changing and they’re waking up in the middle of night or whatever, you know. Like, there’s a lot of opportunities to change.
Carol: There’s going to be changes and shifts every day of your life as a mother. So the second tendency that can be common issue with your parenting practices, which will then play out as a negative to your children is what?
Anne: You have a very soft, subtle nature and very sensitive quality. Those are all gifts, but they can start to become challenges when you feel like you either have to counteract that and get loud to be heard, or you just don’t know how to be direct and your kids are walking all over you. We get a lot of questions from Type 2 moms who were like, “How do I deal with this?” And we find that in this scenario, they’re just not being direct enough. And so, it’s not like, okay, you have to just be louder and you have to, you know, be scary or, like, that’s definitely not the answer. What you need to do is be more direct. You can…
Carol: Yeah. Rather that subtle.
Anne: Yeah. And that can be a challenge for Type 2s because we have that gift for being soft and subtle, and assuming the best in someone, or not wanting, you know, treading lightly, like…But that doesn’t serve well when you need to be direct in painting the picture.
Carol: Firm.
Anne: And firm.
Carol: So you’re trying to coerce the child, like, you know, get them with more subtle effort when as you’re saying with some children, you’ve got to override that and say, you don’t have to get loud, you can keep your volume true to yourself. But there’s a firm, clear direct communication that…
Anne: That’s something I’ve had to learn that, I mean, when I…when my Type 3 was, like, 3-years-old, I just remember at bedtime, I just felt like I was putting on, like, football pads and a helmet and being like, “Hey, we’re going at it,” because I got to be like, “Wooh.” Like, I’m in this game and I’m serious, and I’m in business and, like, we’re gonna move fast and, like…And it was just, like, after it was exhausting to a degree, you know.
Carol: I imagine.
Anne: Because that’s just like, “Wooh.” Because that’s not totally natural for me. So it’s just finding that balance, but then not doing over. Because you have a story about what your mom would try and do as a Type 2 mom.
Carol: Yeah. We would…We all have a very strong household of Type 3 dad, two Type 3 children, Type 4 child and…
Anne: Lot of high movement.
Carol: Well, and it’s just being very independent, I would say. She had very independent children. I have another brother that’s a Type 2 and interestingly, I would even agree that he’s always been the closest to my mother. And he likes to pride himself on that fact and I’m like, “I get it,” you know. I get it.
Anne: You guys get each other. Yeah.
Carol: You naturally would be because you have that same Type 2 Secondary 1 makeup. But she would just get frustrated that we weren’t responding to her request. And most likely, her requests were not clearly stated. So they were subtle, you know, they were cues to us, they were these subtle suggestions.
Anne: She wasn’t standing upfront, “Everybody listen, this is what we’re doing. No da-da-da-da.”
Carol: Yeah. You don’t even have to get into that tone or that volume. It’s not about you’re getting more aggressive. It’s clear, direct communications. So it has nothing to do with being more aggressive in your style. In fact, if you don’t do it right away, you’ll get aggressive because your frustration will compel you. So that’s what would happen to my mother. She get frustrated and now she’s trying to get more aggressive like, “Oh, maybe if I’m more aggressive, they’re going to pay attention.” Her manner of coming forward and being aggressive was getting a wooden spoon, and I can remember her running around the house after us telling, we’re going to get the wooden spoon if we didn’t mind her. So don’t default…don’t think to be heard, I have to be aggressive. No, you’re learning clarity. Don’t say, ”Try to do this.” Say, “Do this right now.” Stop what you’re doing, look them in the eye. We have another podcast, we shared the story of when we were in the car together and I saw you interacting with your daughter.
Anne: Yeah. That was this tendency playing out and being indirect.
Carol: Yeah. And his tendency if you’re trying to get her, you know, trying to…You know, so these subtle ways you were trying to get her to change, you know, stop what she was doing and I was like…
Anne: Type 2’s in their detailed nature, we can be drawn out and long.
Carol: Yeah. It was going on forever and I’m like…
Anne: So you’ve got to learn to, like, shorten your words, be direct with very clear expectations of what’s going on.
Carol: Yeah. I told you, you should’ve stopped the car and taken her out, and got…That’s a real clear message.
Anne: And I guess in that way, sometimes it does feel like, “Oh, that’s aggressive.” But I think it’s like, “Where is it coming from? Is it coming from I want to be direct and clear with you?” or, you know, and get there first before you get to like, “I’m mad now and I’m angry.” And…
Carol: No. Use clear communication that’s easily understood, easily understood. That’s always been in any relationship with a Type 2 that I’ve experienced. It’s this: they have to work on being what do you, you know, just tell me what you want rather than kind of beating around the bush here. And you have to work on that.
Anne: And I think you need to take time as a mom to decide what, like, where do you stand on things, what do you want, what are your expectations. Become clear on those, so, like, outside of the moment, so that in the moment you’re able to be very clear with your children.
Carol: I had an interaction this week on The Child Whisperer Facebook group. It was a mother of an adult daughter said that she was having challenges with her Type 4 son and what could she suggest to her. And I wrote on the comment thread, “Best suggestion, gift her a copy of ‘The Child Whisperer’ book, so she’s empowered to know how to best support her own children.” She wrote back, “I hadn’t thought of that.” I’m like, “Okay.” No, you don’t need to try and, you know. But like, just take care of it.
Anne: Yeah. Sometimes…and that kind of leads to our next tendency we’re going to talk about is, like, yeah, you’re thinking long, drawn out, or… The next tendency is we have a sensitive nature as Type 2s and you can worry about things. We’re really good at worrying. You’ve given us that gold medal of worrying, right?
Carol: Well, I actually have a post on the dressingyourtruth.com site on how concern turns to worry and your sensitive nature creates an ability to be concerned and considerate of others. That’s a very, you know, that’s a quality all human beings are able to practice. But in yours, it’s a quality where it has an emotional experience with it and that turns into worry. And we have this misunderstanding that if you worry about something, it means it’s really important to you, that you really care about it. You don’t want to go from concerned to worry. Worry is just fretting, worrying. And I have observed this in the Type 2s in my life and in my study of Type 2 people that when you’re worrying, you’re trying to settle that down. So you’ll draw a lot of your own conclusions and your own assumptions without again the communication piece being in place. And so, what are you worrying about in your children’s lives that you’ve not even really talked to them about. And as a function of this, this was something that played out in my childhood and I’ve decided it’s how I’ve become so psychic as a healer in my life, is I had to read my mother because she wouldn’t talk about.
Anne: But you could see her emotions.
Carol: Oh, for sure. You emote, you’re the…you know, this is the emotional human being. You experience the world through your emotional filter. You can’t not. You will always have that is a part of your makeup. And so…
Anne: And so, how do you make it a gift rather than a challenge?
Carol: Well, again, notice your tendency to go into that worry phase and if you’re not checking in, talking, working it out, working in a partnership with your spouse, it’ll go too far because it’s an internal process. See, it’s like your thoughts and your feelings are kicked up now. And most likely a lot of…Well, what’s an example you have of where you were worrying about something that you found out, I really didn’t need to worry about that because once I kind of checked in, I saw that, “Hey, I’m making something matter more than it really needs to”?
Anne: I experienced it recently when my 2-year-old was ill and it kind of triggered anytime, like, something would happen, like, even a little sniffle or a slight fever. It was like, “Oh, no. What’s going on? What did I do? What should I do?” And just would trigger this whole train of thinking. And the interesting thing is I know when I’m in my worry because I’m more in my head. And as a Type 2, we play it better from our hearts and…
Carol: Concern is experienced from your heart. Worry is experienced in your mind.
Anne: And it’s something that I’ve practiced. I’ve been able to, “Okay. What is my intuition saying? What am I feeling in my heart? Everything’s gonna be okay.” Okay. And then I’m going to trust that and I’m going to let these thoughts just kind of float on through, and I’m not going to pay that much attention. And so, I’ve practiced this over and over and over again, and kind of put it to the test and seen the results that, like, when I trust my heart and tune with that, that’s going to be right. And then, getting out of my head and connecting those thoughts into a more grounded space or otherwise I’ll just spiral. Also, like you mentioned, talking it out with someone else to get that reassurance or even journaling. That’s been supportive, but if you keep this pattern of, like, that worry, it’s going to get heightened and heightened. We’ve chatted with the Type 2 mom who will text her kids, 10 minutes later doesn’t get a response and she’s texting the other kids, “Where are they?” And she’s totally gone somewhere of, like, “They are…you know, have been kidnapped.” And, like, they just weren’t by their phone. How far can we go with that? And I think that’s coming from a space of always responding to those fears where you got to stop and sit back, and check in with yourself.
Carol: We actually have a video of that conversation with that Type 2 mom when I helped her see that. To service that is to her children though, the burden on them to have to now…I thought I, you know, I started subconsciously playing the role of having to take care of my mother’s feelings, so she wouldn’t go there and you just don’t want that.
Anne: I think the gift we can get out of this though is that Type 2s, you do have that natural concern and that care that it can promote you to reach out with a loving hand and be that shoulder to, you know, to lean on. And so, but you’ve just got to find that balance that it’s not triggering you into that fearful, worrisome state all the time.
Carol: Yeah. Children are not served by a mother who’s in states of worry. They’re not. They don’t see you as a confident adult. That does not present as confidence, it presents as fear and…
Anne: Annoying to some degree.
Carol: Yeah. It can get annoying and it can get really, you know, challenging to have to constantly read your mother’s emotional state. “What’s going on with her?”
Anne: Well, this is the mom that we have chatted with. Her kids were, you know, graduating and you’re like, you don’t want to be that mother-in-law.
Carol: Yeah. Sure.
Anne: It’s like, “Oh, my gosh, your mom is always checking in with you and I can’t get…” You know, and it’s like, you want to be that healthy, supportive mom that’s there to help them move through their emotions.
Carol: Yeah. You’re right.
Anne: This is something that you can teach your kids too because this is something all humans—no matter what Type you are—you’re dealing with the, like, you know, how do you trust your sense and your feelings versus, like, where are your thoughts going. Like, learn this and teach it to your children.
Carol: This could be another…I want to just touch on this where that goes too briefly and this could actually be another series on how certain tendencies turn into health challenges for parents. Because you had a whole series of UTIs during that period and it’s like, the energy was festering in that part of your body. This worry turns into…Everyone has a tendency to have emotional energy affect in a disruptive way, your state of health, create imbalances when you’re not managing your emotion or you’re carrying a lot of repressed emotion. That’s how I…a ton support for you at The Carol Tuttle Healing Center to clean that up. Anne’s situation is very typical where Type 2s have just a greater potential for that because they run more emotion in their day-to-day experience, that when it goes off, when it’s out of balance, it presents in the body more often than any other type. And that’s a big red flag for you when you’re dealing with a physical symptom and you’re going, “What’s going on for me emotionally that I’m not managing well, because I’m paying a price now here, too.”
Anne: I know you’ve had some ahas and insights, and some ideas of what you can do to create these tendencies to be gifts rather than challenges. So your parenting practice this week is to choose one of these three tendencies that jumped out to you and make a plan to move forward, and create that to be a gift rather than a challenge, and be a great support to your children as a Type 2 mom.
Carol: Yeah. All this is is taking tendencies that turn into dysfunctions to bring them back into being gifts. Use them as an asset in your parenting experience rather than creating a problem with it that has an effect on your children. And so, you’re not trying…You know, just keep being you, but do it in a way where you’re consciously managing you, so there’s balance and your using these tendencies to your greatest good in your families.
Thanks for listening. For more support, go to thechildwhisperer.com where you can purchase the book, subscribe to our weekly parenting practice email, and find a transcription and audio of The Child Whisperer Podcast.
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