Your child will be so glad you listened.
When your active or opinionated child is learning at home, you can run into some roadblocks. Using a Child Whisperer approach will make homeschooling easier for you and more enjoyable for them.
In this episode, Carol and Anne are joined by a homeschooling mom, with tips for the Type 3 Determined Child and Type 4 More Serious child. Listen for simple tips to build movement, focus, and motivation into your child’s day.
This episode’s Parenting Practice
Listen to this episode and examine your own approach to your Type 3 or Type 4 child, or your approach as a Type 3 or Type 4 parent. What one (just one!) thing can you modify to honor their nature or yours to create a more successful at-home learning experience? Try it this week.
Transcript of podcast episode
Carol: Welcome to the Child Whisperer podcast. I’m your host Carol Tuttle, author of the best-selling parenting book, The Child Whisperer. I’m with my co-host, Anne Tuttle Brown. Welcome back to Part 2 of our look at the tips for each type of child and moms for at-home learning experiences. We covered Type 1 and 2 in our previous podcast, please go listen to that, some great stories, you’re going to make some strong connections with the tips that were shared and the ahas, and stories that were shared in that podcast.
And I’m really looking forward now to talking about our Type 3 and our Type 4 children. I want to welcome back my co-host, Anne Tuttle Brown, who’s a mother of three children. She has a household of Type 2 and Type 3 energy. That is everyone’s dominant, it’s either Type 2 or Type 3. And then, my oldest daughter, Jennifer, is a Type 1 and she is the mother of 4 boys between the ages of 5 to 13, and they are sequentially each type from oldest to youngest, 4, 3, 2, 1. It’s been very handy for me, Jennifer.
Jennifer: Oh, good.
Carol: I really appreciate that.
Jennifer: Glad I could help.
Carol: That I mentioned, they really don’t even have a secondary type, they’re pretty much their type. Their nature is very strong in them, which I think is great because I really appreciate seeing that in them. So, let’s look at Type 3 first. This is our determined child, they have an active, reactive energy. Now, right away you think reactive, that just in the world of parenting, nobody wants a reactive child.
What we mean by that is if you push them, they push back. There is a response from them. They react too, and that can be negative or positive. So, you want to get positive reactions out of them is the goal here. They have a physical connection with the world, and they…people tend to think, “Well, that’s somehow is about being more social.”
Some Type 3 children have a need for being social, others less, that’s something you’ll have to determine in your own child, but they don’t really need higher movement. And they need challenges and they need a level of engagement that involves a physical experience. Hands-on, they’re hands-on learners, they learn as they go, it’s kind of like, “Okay, enough with all the details, and all the lecturing, and all the pre-info. Let me just start doing this.”
And that’s a really important thing to remember within at-home learning because if you’re spending too much time talking about what they’re learning rather than doing the learning, you’ll lose them. Now, you have both a Type 3 child, she’s back in the classroom, Anne, and your Type 3 son, Jennifer, is 10 now.
Jennifer: Eleven.
Carol: Eleven. That’s right, he’s eleven. And what are some tips for our parents about this new educational format we’re in?
Anne: Being active. And that’s why I am so glad Katie’s back in the classroom, is it’s going to be keeping her busy throughout the day. She’s such a busybody. And so…and school has actually been shortened by an hour, and so they got to either move at a faster pace or just in general that, you know, they’re going to…
Carol: That would probably be favorable for her.
Anne: Yeah, I think so.
Carol: Less dilly-dallying, it’s like, “Let’s get on this…”
Anne: And this year, she scored big time, she’s got a Type 3, 1 teacher in her classroom. And it’s just like an explosion of learning material, like, there’s stuff on it she’s… Yeah, there is just stuff on every wall, and she even…when we went and met her, she’s like, “We have a very busy class,” and I’m like, “This is great.” So, I’m grateful for that. But Jenny, you’ve seen the difference in Joseph of when he was more sedentary versus being active, which I think you have to really… Does he motivate himself in that or how have you seen the difference and what have you done to make sure he stays active?
Jennifer: Oh, it’s tricky when things shut down in his outlets, like, being on a sports team or being able to see his friends and get out of the house for different activities that we had…
Carol: And he likes competition, he likes to compete. And he likes to win. He likes to be the best and thrive in that environment.
Jennifer: Yeah. And he’s a buddies kind of guy, like, he likes to be with his buddies and be with people. And so, he kind of went through a part of, a period of just being depressed and not getting out of bed. And I was just like, “This is not okay for him, what does he need?” And so, we started kind of creating our own fun, our own outlets, and he’s been able to work on basketball with a basketball coach, and he did two different sessions of like a different type of kids camp where he just…
Carol: That he produced.
Jennifer: That he got to go out, yeah, and just lead the kids in some activities outside and… What else have we done to keep him active?
Carol: What’s his learning experience, like, when he’s actually doing his schooling?
Jennifer: He’s very independent.
Carol: And what helps him really get it done, stay on track with that, progress? What’s it look like for his being a Type 3?
Jennifer: Just kind of just get it done. Just have this clear outline of, “This is what you need to do.” And then he can check it off the list and move on to something he really wants to do.
Carol: Does he get it done with enough thoroughness that he’s really learning or is he…because that is a dilemma? It’s not doing it effectively just to get it done, you know, and it’s like, “Well, your goal here was to get it done,” when the goal is to learn in the process of getting it done and so, the learning can be shortchanged at times, with a Type 3 child because of that get it done… – I’ve experienced that.
Jennifer: I’ve definitely experienced that, and certain things I’ve had to say, “And we’ll get to that later,” and then other things I’ve had to say, “You need to do this again,” and that, “You haven’t completed this,” I might point, right.
Carol: Does he…now with him…and we’ve talked about the fact that you have the other Types of children. The Type 4 conversation is going to be real short with you. It’s basically, “You’re doing great.” It’s just what curriculums, though, are helping him, like, what have you found? I would assume he needs something a little different than what his Type 4 brother is really drawn to. Did you have to try out different curriculums and what’s available through online resources or means of setting up his process kind of a trial and error to see what would support him?
Jennifer: That, I would say the last thing a trial and error to see what would support him because I think his Type, and other homeschool moms out there who do have a Type 3 kid could weigh in on this and give some good insight, but my experience up until this last year has been him being in school.
And so, at school, he gets that social piece, he gets authority, he respects the teachers, he does things for them that he doesn’t feel quite inclined to do for me. So, it’s been a transition year of trying to find out how can he really thrive at home and have that same success at home that he was having in the school in, in-classroom because the classroom and the school environment is really supportive to him.
So, now, it’s the opportunity for us to say, “Okay, well, what…” That doesn’t mean we’re going to be able to exactly copy what they do at school and do it at home, but our home environment needs to be supportive to him. And it’s also an opportunity for him to learn how to be supportive of our home environment.
Carol: Jenny, what are some of the challenges you’re dealing with when it comes to your determined Type 3 child?
Jennifer: I would say that the biggest challenge with my Type 3 is that he’s in the driver’s seat. But as the mom, I think, “Well, why shouldn’t I be in the driver’s seat and you be in the passenger seat?” But he’s, no, he’s in the driver’s seat and he kind of always has been. And so, I feel like if that’s the case, I want to teach him how to drive that car.
Carol: Okay. So when it comes to his learning experiences, is he willing to get in and get those done, does he not want to do it? Where’s he at with his schooling?
Jennifer: I would say, with his schooling, you have…when it’s at home, and there’s not a teacher keeping him accountable, and there’s not that positive peer pressure of everybody else is doing an assignment, so even though I don’t want to do it, I’m going to do it anyway. When those factors have been taken out, he needs a motivation. And so it’s finding that motivation that I can live with and that he can.
Carol: It’s not enough to get it accomplished for himself. He… Type 3s tend to like that recognition, “Look what I did. Look at my results.” That’s where a teacher plays that part to say, “Good for you, you got your results,” that acknowledgment, he doesn’t seem to value yours at the level he would value a teacher’s feedback, but that is a dynamic that’s playing out for him is he wants to show his results to someone he…
Anne: I think too the peer pressure of others, like, this is what everybody’s doing, there’s no other option.
Carol: Yeah, and there’s a sense of now competing without it being like scores or anything. But there is a sense of, “I’m in this group and I want to thrive, I want to be one of the best here, I want to do well,” and he doesn’t feel that with siblings. So, we, again, those are really good points that that’s been removed. And so, now, what will motivate him to want to excel in his learning process? And so, again, the result you can… how do you draw on that he needs to be acknowledged for his results and kind of show off his results? He wants to show them off.
Jennifer: Yeah, that’s a good point.
Carol: …and kind of brag about them. You know, and go, “Look at me. Look what I did, you know, this is really cool.” And so, and then he likes to buy stuff. He likes to earn money. So, how do you incorporate those two factors to say, “We want, you know…I want to hear about your results, and I want you to go big with them. and we’re going to track this to help you earn the next thing you want and I am going to use money to incentivize you.”
Jennifer: You know, I thought today, so I don’t typically pay my kids for their jobs. That’s just, it’s something I have tried and I’m not personally consistent with it. But as I’ve been reflecting on why…
Carol: Oh, put it on him, he’ll track it.
Jennifer: We’ve been reflecting on him, in particular, and thinking, you know what? Just this morning, I had the thought… because what happens is I get so exhausted because he’s old enough in my mind to get his work done, but if there’s no motivation, he’s not going to do it.
Carol: Remember, he is of the nature to sit and just study, is not motivating or drawing on his natural tendency so he isn’t enrolled to go, “I want to do this because I enjoy doing it and I love the reward of learning. I love the result of learning.” It’s like, “No, that’s not the motive.”
Jennifer: “There’s a key, mom.” Okay, so you said I love the reward of learning, this is where I will go with that.
Carol: Your oldest son is a Type 4, he does like that. He loves the result of learning. Fine-tuning his mind, the Type 3 is going…
Anne: And he’s looking at it long term too, which we’ll speak to a bit. Seth is a Type 4, he’s like, “I want to get into college. He decided…
Carol: Right. He’s got all the trajectory in his mind that that big picture scope to say there’s a whole purpose in this that’s reasonable and logical. Type 3 is not going with that, yeah.
Jennifer: Where the Type 3 is like, “Anne, I got to sit down here and now, like, read this for how long?”
Carol: What’s in it for me, and why would I…? Well, you know what happens? They’ll turn to food. They’ll turn to things that will bring them that immediate joy. Well, and it’s physical.
Anne: Because they feel that pressure. So, they’ll turn, and then to things that to relieve that stress and that are really going to just hinder their ability to…
Carol: Well, food is a physical activity. It’s a pleasure activity, involves your body. And so, again, and when those activities have been removed from his life, food’s going to be satiating that way because it’s physical, and there’s a pleasure sensation. But there’s a great pleasure sensation for a Type 3 to win a basketball game, so he’s not getting that.
And so, subconsciously, he’s going to replace that in unfavorable ways. So, if this were my child, I would set up bigger, it’d have to be a bigger challenge, you know, “You’ve got to… This particular learning block has to be accomplished and you’re going to get $25.” Make it a bigger challenge, and he’s got to track himself and he’s got to motivate himself and the part of the deal is, “You know, if I have to tell you to do this every day, you don’t get credit. There’s no pay for that. You know, you don’t get to check that one off.”
It’s like being late for a job and like, “No, I’m not going to pay you when you’re not showing up,” but money is a motivator for… and it’s not an unhealthy thing to put into play, in my opinion, I don’t think we materialize money that way.
Anne: Especially, I think, when you put more accountability on the children then for buying certain things, like, maybe now if he’s having more money he’s buying his clothes or he’s taking responsibility for all these things.
Carol: These are great skills to learn.
Anne: Or a certain amount goes into savings, you know, so it’s not just like, “Oh, they’re just going to buy a bunch of toys now.” You can set up in a way where it kind of pleases both parties.
Carol: Children move on to their adult lives, and they have to show up and fulfill responsibilities and they get paid for them. Even if you’re an entrepreneur, you got to follow through and you got to do things because your whole goal is to create a stream of income. So, to me, it’s a great, for a Type 3 especially, it’s a great way to motivate them because those are applicable adult skills you’re going to need. Do your job, your job right now is to get an education in grade school. That is your job. And talk in those terms. This is your job right now. So, we’re going to set up a pay schedule for you.
Jennifer: Yeah, because the reward right there that really stood out to me when you said the reward for learning is learning with a…
Carol: You would like that, you’re trying to see and you’re trying to get that, give, instill that in him that I want my child to love to learn. Well, he will love to learn and he will love to develop his skill sets because he’s motivated by different things not by the learning in and of itself.
Jennifer: That’s what I’m thinking. It’s tangible. When you actually put a reward to the learning and make it very literal, then it’s very much within their grasp, and it’s a huge motivator.
Carol: It’s kind of, you know, and that’s not necessarily just Type 3, it all lends itself to primarily Type 3s because your brother who’s a Type 2 was not a motivated learner in school, he got what he had to do done. It was not a priority. Here’s the same now young man who’s soon to be 36 is now…he’s read 40 books this year.
Is he willing to learn? Yes. But now he has a very directed purpose for…his is mostly driven by self-development and business because he wants to succeed at that.
Anne: He thought most of the classes in high school were stupid, he didn’t apply himself. Yeah, he did.
Carol: And he wants to be a successful entrepreneur. So, he’s highly motivated.
Anne: I mean, I’ve seen this in my Type 3 as well, definitely. She came downstairs and she’s like, “Mom, I put my stuff away and cleaned my room,” I’m like, “Oh, that’s great,” she’s like, “Well, because I know I’m earning money this week.” And so, like, it changes, we haven’t found a routine with it, but like in one week, we said, “Okay, if you do all these jobs this week,” and we set out like four or five jobs, some were daily, one was weekly, whatever we said, “you could earn $8 by the end of the week.”
And that was like… And we didn’t do it this week, you know, and I’ll just kind of see how it develops. But I know that that definitely motivates her.
Carol: You know, one thing I teach in the whole concept of money with children, don’t put a moral code on money, make it… it is a resource, it’s a part of our lives, we need to learn to work with it, without it having this moral aspect to it of, “Well, you’re not going to appreciate the right things, we’re putting the value on the wrong thing,” it’s like money is a good thing, we need it. You can’t function in our society without money.
Jennifer: Maybe I could put my Type 4 in charge because he’s super. He’d be in charge of the money system.
Anne: Oh, yeah, to keep it consistent.
Carol: There you go, accountant. It’s true, you can get him a… Get a Google Doc. That’s perfect because now you’re enrolling…he’s learning how to account for things and he has to have sheets and doc, you know, budgets, tracking.
Anne: And you know, money definitely, like I showed, works with Katie, but also, and we talked about this earlier, and for a Type 3…
Carol: Experiences also work.
Anne: …it is like a clear reward even on like a daily basis, like, she knows she can’t get her iPad to play her little Barbie game until piano homework reading is done. And so, she will be…that will motivate her to get down through her checklist, so she can then move on.
Carol: Beyond money, we like to get out and experience our world. We like to be experiencing different things, and those are very rewarding, you know.
Anne: So, maybe swap the money for that, we can go on a horseback ride.
Carol: Yeah. Right. That would motivate her, yeah.
Anne: Yeah, definitely.
Carol: Because she wants to have that new experience. And so what experiences can you bring into the mix as well? So, it doesn’t just look like financial returns.
Anne: Jenny, I loved the example of they’re in the driver’s seat and I’m in the passenger, and it’s like, “No, give me that wheel, move over.” It’s like this constant struggle. I experienced that as well, where it’s like, “No, I’m the one in charge. No, I am. No, I am.” And so, I think even kind of visualizing that as a parent…
Carol: Well, that’s the reaction, that’s the active reaction.
Anne: …yeah, of like, “Okay, you’re in the driver’s seat, but I’m going to teach you how to drive, I’m going to show you the maps, I’m going to teach you how to read the maps and I’m gonna help you get where you want to be.”
Carol: And you might not be able to go everywhere you want to go right now.
Anne: That’s true. I think that in and of itself, just that awareness really takes away the push or, you know, just that pressure.
Carol: Right. In fact, you can in the moment when you’re trying, when you’re having that struggle and that kind of push-pull with them, go, I’m trying to push you out of the driver’s seat or I’m trying to take over, I’m like, “All right, deep breath,” and even visualize it, they’re in the driver seat and you’re next to them and they’re listening to you.
Anne: And depending on their age, you know, the Type 3s, that this is how it’s been all the time, like, the little Type 3 toddler is trying to reach the pedals. You’re like, “You don’t even know what you’re doing.”
Carol: Well, every story you’ve ever heard of a small child taking the family car.
Anne: Type 3, yeah.
Carol: You see those videos go viral. They’re always Type 3 children. So there you go. They want to drive.
Jennifer: Actually, Joseph in a middle of an argument we were having, got in the car and said he was going to leave.
Carol: Oh, see, there you go. We don’t want him trending on YouTube.
Jennifer: I think the key… I mean, I’m just trying to process this, you know, like, as the parent, I think, talking to them about choices, you know, and, “Okay, you can go there, but this is what’s going to happen,” but let them decide, right? Because they’re going to do it, right. They’re going to go where they want to go. You’re just creating a successful environment for them so that they can thrive and be safe and be, you know, accountable for their choices. And help them learn because I think since they’re so physical, they learn through experience, right, and through doing things on their own. And so providing space for them to do that, “Okay, you can do that,” and make that choice and then talk them through it afterwards, “Well, what did you think about that? Are you glad you made that decision? How was it putting off all your work today? Or how was it getting your work done? Wasn’t that awesome? Good for you. Now, you’ve accomplished your goal.” And maybe that’s where that piece of recognition and praise can come in is coming back and talking together. Would that be effective, you think?
Carol: Yeah, they’re teaching themselves then.
Anne: I think you could even, you know, FaceTime other family members, like, “Hello, Grandma, I made my goal,” or, “Look what I did.”
Carol: Right, right. They want to brag about their results.
Anne: When I potty-trained Katie, rather than going the route of like giving treats each time she potty-trained or went to the bathroom in the potty, we would FaceTime someone and makeup this big dance and song and march around the house and that was what… – Right, “Look what I did.” she just that, you know, really motivated her, and so encouraging them to, “Why don’t you call and share this with somebody,” or, “Let’s, you know, do a Marco Polo, like, video chat,” and so. But I think you’ve got some great tips here for Type 3 to really help them thrive more independently.
Carol: I like that idea about we just like to carry on about how amazing we are. We’ve got more Child Whisperer coming up right after this brief message.
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Carol: Our Type 4 child is our more serious child. They have a big-picture ability with a singular focus stability. They work well in structure, they actually create their own natural structure. In fact, that can be a little bit of a challenge because they will overwhelm themselves by thinking they’re not structured enough and cause stress in interesting ways. And so, this is the child that you would think would thrive at an at-home learning experience.
And yet there are some unique challenges with them because their ability to take on responsibility and the fact that they have a more intellectual connection to the world, the process of learning when it’s something they really feel a connection and an alignment with, they will love to learn it. They are motivated by learning because they are…
Anne: They can go really deep
Carol: …fine-tuning their minds.
Anne: …in certain topics.
Carol: Yeah, that refinement of the mind. Now, if it is something they really don’t think has any value, they don’t have an alignment with it, their nature’s to be all or nothing. They may put that in the nothing category and say, “That’s stupid. I don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t know why I have to study this.” And so, that’s a tricky thing as well because there are some curriculums…
Anne: And I think finding the right…yeah, definitely. Jenny, you have that experience, there was a curriculum that you were really drawn to as a Type 1. And it did not connect with your Type 4 son, is that correct?
Carol: Your Type 4 son is 13. He is a very motivated learner.
Jennifer: He is. He is. He’s very good at thinking ahead and figuring out how to use his time during the day and stuff like that. And yeah, so the curriculum that we chose initially wasn’t a good match, but he’s actually come around and enjoys it quite a bit. It was just a transition period from what he’s used to at normal, you know, public school versus school at home.
Anne: Well, that’s great. So, as a parent, if it’s something that you, you know, find is…don’t write it off completely just because their response is, “Oh, that’s stupid.” If you feel strongly about it, you keep moving forward. Was it just he needed more time with it? Or did you…?
Jennifer: Yeah. I think all of us are in a transition period of some kind, things are different for everybody right now, whether you’re doing homeschool for the first time or remote learning or you’re in the classroom, everybody is experiencing some type of change. So, as you introduce new things, or experience this change, just give time to yourself and to your kids to adjust.
And just because it may not seem like a good match at first, doesn’t mean that it will work out in the end. But that’s where you just have to be sensitive and discerning. And if you feel strongly about it as the mom, I think it’s okay to continue to encourage your kids to do something. But if you are getting enough pushback and you feel like, “You know what? I can live without this and they’ll be fine too.” It’s okay to let go of that as well.
Carol: I think one quality in their nature is they need to be their own authority. And so, they might not be motivated for the fact they don’t feel they’re the authority over what they’re being asked to study. The parents take in the role of being the authority, telling them what to do, reminding them to do it. And it’s an interesting phenomena when they…because they are so thorough in thinking things through, thinking ahead. Putting things into place with knowing what they’ve got to do to get from point A to point B, they feel a little minimized and in a manner insulted if they’re being micromanaged. It’s like, “Come on, cut me some…you know, I know. I’m not dumb.”
And they need to be trusted for that. So, one of the tips is assume they are getting the work done and how you converse with them is different so that you do trust their…you respect their roles and authority when they’ve agreed to do something. They’re very clear on that you don’t need to now micromanage. You have a lot of trust in Seth’s ability to see through. In fact, didn’t you just, I don’t know if you actually said this to him, or it was just a thought. But I recall you sharing with me, you said, “Well, son, let me know if you need any help. I know you’re going to do a great job this year.” How did you frame that with him?
Jennifer: Well, he’s the oldest. So, he’s been in school the longest and knows how to, you know, doesn’t need to be trained on what it means to take a class, and complete assignments, and stuff like that. He’s had that training. And so, we set him up in a very independent learning environment where he had a couple classes online that he would check in with and then he would do and then he had some self-led learning textbooks and so everything that I purchased for him was intended for him to be able to do on his own versus me sitting there. Yeah. And so, as kind of a joke, when I handed out the kids’ schedules last year and I had the list for everybody and, you know, to mark off as they go through their day, his just said, “Good luck son. Love you,” or something or, you know, “Good luck, son. I know you can do it. Let me know if you ever need anything.” And he just laughed. And, you know, I said, “No, really, let me know if you ever need anything.” But I’m like, I mean, “You’ve got this,” and he did and he did a good job and, you know, he still really appreciates uninterrupted time where we can just talk and he can tell me how things are going.
Carol: Yeah, that’s where you’ll fall to, they are so capable and when they’ve made that level of commitment that they… I’ve heard from many Type 4 adults, they felt a little neglected because the children that were more difficult were getting more attention. Got all the attention, yeah. And they were just a little bit overlooked by…so you want to make sure you don’t neglect them. And they get that ability to engage with you to talk about what they’re learning and share how they’re doing and what they’re enjoying and maybe what’s the challenge. And so, that they know you care, and you’re showing up for them and they have support.
Jennifer: Yeah, so you’re showing up for them in a genuinely interested way, like…and asking about what they’re doing and how it’s going and what’s on their mind versus, “Hey, did you do your work? Hey, did you get your assignments done?” You know.
Anne: I imagine a Type 4 would be very excited to share with you what they’ve learned and the discoveries they’ve made and to have an intellectual conversation like that about what they’ve been learning.
Carol: Right, if you don’t even understand what they’re talking about. He has subjects he knows that I don’t even know, he will tell me things and I’m like, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
Anne: Yeah, and to set yourself up for success, maybe even say, like, “I want to sit down with you for 15 minutes, tell me,” because sometimes Type 4s can get a little long-winded and like all the excitement of what they want to share. And if you don’t have that time, you don’t want to cut it off. So just set yourself up for like, “Let’s spend a few minutes together sharing with what you have.” Or maybe every once in a while, you know, it’s up to an hour or so. Type 4s they have the least need for social connections…
Carol: Which can be…the other side of that is they’re not getting enough.
Anne: Yeah. So that’s what Jenny and I talked about a little bit, like, Seth has been connecting with some friends in video games, right, but not in person. And he was doing fine, but Jenny was saying, “You can speak to this at just…” “Okay, I need to seek out some interactions where you can actually physically…
Carol: Yeah, they have to learn, right, how to manage themselves in a conversation. You know, how to just be…
Anne: Yeah, why don’t you speak to that, Jenny, that experience you’ve seen with Seth?
Jennifer: When it comes to the social piece, I feel like my son, who doesn’t like surprises, and he doesn’t like big groups of people and stuff, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll just not let him ever have that experience. And so, I do have to be…that’s kind of the piece where I am more involved, and I am encouraging him, “We’ll have some friends over for a game night,” or, you know, talking to him about ways that he can get outside and be with his friends. He’s not a total hermit, but he could be and probably be just fine. And so, that’s a way where we can be more supportive and more involved in helping them.
Carol: Well, he has a role model of a Type 4 father that, in my opinion, has great social skills. And he looks to his dad as a mentor in so many ways, so.
Jennifer: Well, and thinking about it, he really enjoys talking to people who are older than him and, you know…
Carol: We have some great…I really have some wonderful conversations with him.
Jennifer: And he’s going to start tutoring this year. He’s got two little students, he’s going to help tutor and then he also taught a Rubik’s Cube class last week and this week where he had just two kids come and they learned how to solve a two by two in four classes. And he’s doing that…
Anne: That’s awesome.
Jennifer: …he’s making the charts, he’s making space for people, right, and connecting and sharing and I know that’s really important.
Anne: In a way, that suits his personality, that’s great.
Jennifer: That’s right. Yeah, whereas his Type 3 brother’s, like, “I’m going to have 20 kids over and we’re just going to go in the backyard,” and…
Anne: And Jenny’s like, “No, don’t take out the…” I was talking to her and she’s like, “This is the last one because it’s gone too far.” Katie really wanted to do a camp after she heard Joseph was, and I was like, “I don’t want five two-year-olds here, maybe in a couple of years.”
Jennifer: Think that one through because they’re big thinkers, but follow-through, I’m like, “Let’s work on that, because it’s turned into mom’s camp.”
Carol: That’s your right, yeah.
Jennifer: He is only 11.
Carol: We can overshoot our [inaudible] and go, “Yeah, I got this. Well, maybe not.” I got a few bruises on my body for that. That kind of confidence that we carry. Yes, why not? Let’s do it. Well, it’s been a great…these have gone a little longer, these podcasts, but they’re very timely. And we’ve seen the value of bringing in another mom into the conversation…
Anne: It’s so great to hear your examples.
Carol: your vulnerability and honesty, Jenny, you know, that you would think people…
Jennifer:Oh, thanks.
Carol: …might think that you’re the daughter of Carol Tuttle, you’ve got this all figured out and you were very honest. She said, “I need some help with my Type 3 here.” That’s okay. You’re going to be challenged by the child that you have the least energetic expression of, so in your case, Jenny, you’re a one, two, four, three, so you don’t relate to his nature as easily as the other kids because he’s just the…you don’t process the world like him at all.
Jennifer: Yeah, and that’s where I learned today just calling on family members, on you, you know, getting mentors, getting people into their life that can be supportive of them. They need that. That is very much needed.
Carol: We all love Joseph’s big ideas, and his determination, and his go-for-it attitude, you know.
Jennifer: Yeah. And, I, as a parent, I need that support. And to be honest, he does too, I’m sure it’s hard on him to be in an environment where people aren’t as, you know…
Carol: Yeah, we saw during the part of the lockdown we were the most confined, which two grandkids were on our Marco Polo channel the most? Our 2 Type 3 grand, Katie and…
Jennifer: Joseph.
Carol: …Joseph, were on all the times like, “Look at me, somebody look at me.” It’s funny, your parenting practice this week is to take and…just one, this is the thing, if you try and go with 5 or 6 or 10, you won’t follow through. What is the one big aha you had today that you can modify in your parenting approach, especially in their learning experiences, to set these kids up for success?
I have said a mother’s greatest gift is her inspiration, as you seek God in your parenting, as you pray and ask for insights and answers, you will be given, and this information, the child whispering is just a medium in which to receive more specific inspiration based on your child’s nature.
So, always seek that out and that’s been my asset, best asset all through my parenting is divine guidance and accept what is in our lives right now and make the very best of it. I know you’re doing that and your children will always be grateful for that in your characteristics as a parent.
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